Monday, March 25, 2013

A Still Small Voice

As is no longer surprising...
Language has been the superficial struggle during the past seven months. It seems that mine is the fate of Tantalus: sentenced forever to stand in a pool of water which recedes every time you stoop to drink. But my pool is a sea of unknown words, and complicated word frases, and my drink a fog of uncertainty- second guessing every third word and biting down every other thought knowing I won't be able to formulate a coherent sentence...Living in the consistency of the 'any day now'. Any day I will do it, I will be fluent... any day now. But to speak or be spoken to in English, a language now useful to me only in a whispered prayer, is to have failed.  Is is the tell-tale marker that I have not succeeded in my goal, and not only failed, but put myself that much farther away from that goal for which I am constantly striving. Lord help me if this is bilinguality.

Yet above it all a still small voice.

A voice that shines through the fog of the language, proclaiming himself as the Word. A voice which levels the mountains of my weakness and crosses the ocean of my inabilities. A voice which isn't drowned out by the storm, because His is the voice that calms it. A voice which called me here a little less than a year ago and continues to call us, lead us.  There is no room for fear, and there is nothing to hold back. The ease of conversation and the liberty of word choice are long abandoned. But those only serve as reminders that God did not call me here to make an impact. He called me to be obedient. And in three months, when I am packing up my bags and saying goodbyes, maybe I will only be known as the little voice. A little voice that sang, but didn't talk much... and then I will be forgotten. And all that will be left is the echo of what was accomplished. But let the echo be that of the voice of the Lord of all Eternity.

"If I speak in the tongues of humans and even of the angels but have not love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbol. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing."          -1 Corinthians 13:1-2

In Silence,